Saturday, September 27
last night was really fun. Brent and I ate at Stephano's, and went to see Dickie Roberts childhood star. my first 6 month anniversary!
I think I'll start trying to do improvements around here...
I think I'll start trying to do improvements around here...
Wednesday, September 24
I'm so sick of how...
my friends and I, we joke about rape, violence, and sex all the time...when did it come to the point in society where that was acceptable for teens to joke about? or have they always? really, if you were to take it serious, it's just not funny, but isn't that what you get, when you take something seriously, the knowledge that it is, in fact, not funny?
I'm tired of everyone around me doing things just to get a laugh...or to look "cool"...but maybe I'm just paranoid, and they're actually acting normal, and natural?! It all feels so fake! I go to school, walk amoung the halls, I laugh, but am I really laughing?!
it's like sometimes I'm this shell, the real me inside is watching everyone else, I'm sort of just on auto pilot, I feel so alone and trapped inside myself...
I feel like I don't fit it! that I either take things to seriously, or don't take them serious at all, and I'm just as guilty of joking about sex, drugs, violence, and cussing. I'm trying to stop, really I am! well, the cussing anyways. but it's so hard, it's just part of our language, it's like trying to say soda when everyone else is saying pop. how does Kassie do it? I told myself when I was in 3rd grade that I would never swear, and my best friend did once, and we thought she was all bad.
and the joking about rape and molesting! oh alyssa, you muffin molester! oh alyssa, we'll give you little children to take to your lair and rape! well sometimes it's just wrong! I think, how would I feel if I heard some kids joking about that, and I actually was raped or molested, or even a victum of incest! could you imagine? it wouyld drudge up all those memories...we should be careful what we say...the world is a mean enough place already...
maybe, again, I'm just being paranoid...
...I just don't feel like I fit in, and I mean really, fit in, with my friends...do they love me?
alright then...done with my rant...thanks for reading....
I love you Brent, can't wait till friday <3
my friends and I, we joke about rape, violence, and sex all the time...when did it come to the point in society where that was acceptable for teens to joke about? or have they always? really, if you were to take it serious, it's just not funny, but isn't that what you get, when you take something seriously, the knowledge that it is, in fact, not funny?
I'm tired of everyone around me doing things just to get a laugh...or to look "cool"...but maybe I'm just paranoid, and they're actually acting normal, and natural?! It all feels so fake! I go to school, walk amoung the halls, I laugh, but am I really laughing?!
it's like sometimes I'm this shell, the real me inside is watching everyone else, I'm sort of just on auto pilot, I feel so alone and trapped inside myself...
I feel like I don't fit it! that I either take things to seriously, or don't take them serious at all, and I'm just as guilty of joking about sex, drugs, violence, and cussing. I'm trying to stop, really I am! well, the cussing anyways. but it's so hard, it's just part of our language, it's like trying to say soda when everyone else is saying pop. how does Kassie do it? I told myself when I was in 3rd grade that I would never swear, and my best friend did once, and we thought she was all bad.
and the joking about rape and molesting! oh alyssa, you muffin molester! oh alyssa, we'll give you little children to take to your lair and rape! well sometimes it's just wrong! I think, how would I feel if I heard some kids joking about that, and I actually was raped or molested, or even a victum of incest! could you imagine? it wouyld drudge up all those memories...we should be careful what we say...the world is a mean enough place already...
maybe, again, I'm just being paranoid...
...I just don't feel like I fit in, and I mean really, fit in, with my friends...do they love me?
alright then...done with my rant...thanks for reading....
I love you Brent, can't wait till friday <3
Monday, September 22
[.::Free::.]
(Powerman 5000)
Let's go!
Everybody needs to start their own fire
Everybody needs a riot of their own
Everybody needs to be something that they are not
Everybody needs to go it alone
Because!
Living so free is a tragedy
When you can't be what you want to be
Living so free is a tragedy
When you can't see what you need to see
Okay!
All the time spent hanging on to anything
All the time spent knowing that they're wrong
All the time wasted, stolen back, innocent
You won't get a second more so move it along
Because!
Living so free is a tragedy
When you can't be what you want to be
Living so free is a tragedy
When you can't see what you need to see
Living so free is a tragedy
When you can't be what you want to be
Living so free is a tragedy
When you can't see what you need to see
Wishing and hoping and thinking it's you
That's got this all under control
Never a minute has passed you all by
When they haven’t invaded your soul
It’s not something you can hold
It’s not something you own
It's not something you can buy or steal
You've got it when you're alone
Being free is a tragedy
When you don't know yourself
Being free is a tragedy
When you don't know who you are
Living so free is a tragedy
When you can't be what you want to be
Living so free is a tragedy
When you can't see what you need to see
Living so free is a tragedy
When you can't be what you want to be
Living so free is a tragedy
When you can't see what you need to see
Let's go!
Hey, hey, hey!
Alright then
This is the story of your life man
(And in other places around the world,
It's growing clear that the americans are trigger happy)
=========================================
this happy, upbeat song always gets me dancing and singing along.
I noticed that in the morning, I am almost always really depressed, but then cheer up a bit around lunch time. it sucks, why can't I just be happy all day?
this morning, I was uber depressed. did anyone notice? I don't know. but my stomach hurt really bad, right up until lunch, I considered going to nurses office, but I knew it was from stress and worry. that's almost always what it is!
Drew might ask Kassie out tomorrow. it would be so cool if they did go out...both would be happy...and I'd feel partially responsible for introducing them and all ^_^
but wait...am I being selfish?
anyways, I borrowed Drew's pm5k cd, Transform, gonna burn it...
off to do history review wkst...blegh >.<
(Powerman 5000)
Let's go!
Everybody needs to start their own fire
Everybody needs a riot of their own
Everybody needs to be something that they are not
Everybody needs to go it alone
Because!
Living so free is a tragedy
When you can't be what you want to be
Living so free is a tragedy
When you can't see what you need to see
Okay!
All the time spent hanging on to anything
All the time spent knowing that they're wrong
All the time wasted, stolen back, innocent
You won't get a second more so move it along
Because!
Living so free is a tragedy
When you can't be what you want to be
Living so free is a tragedy
When you can't see what you need to see
Living so free is a tragedy
When you can't be what you want to be
Living so free is a tragedy
When you can't see what you need to see
Wishing and hoping and thinking it's you
That's got this all under control
Never a minute has passed you all by
When they haven’t invaded your soul
It’s not something you can hold
It’s not something you own
It's not something you can buy or steal
You've got it when you're alone
Being free is a tragedy
When you don't know yourself
Being free is a tragedy
When you don't know who you are
Living so free is a tragedy
When you can't be what you want to be
Living so free is a tragedy
When you can't see what you need to see
Living so free is a tragedy
When you can't be what you want to be
Living so free is a tragedy
When you can't see what you need to see
Let's go!
Hey, hey, hey!
Alright then
This is the story of your life man
(And in other places around the world,
It's growing clear that the americans are trigger happy)
=========================================
this happy, upbeat song always gets me dancing and singing along.
I noticed that in the morning, I am almost always really depressed, but then cheer up a bit around lunch time. it sucks, why can't I just be happy all day?
this morning, I was uber depressed. did anyone notice? I don't know. but my stomach hurt really bad, right up until lunch, I considered going to nurses office, but I knew it was from stress and worry. that's almost always what it is!
Drew might ask Kassie out tomorrow. it would be so cool if they did go out...both would be happy...and I'd feel partially responsible for introducing them and all ^_^
but wait...am I being selfish?
anyways, I borrowed Drew's pm5k cd, Transform, gonna burn it...
off to do history review wkst...blegh >.<
Sunday, September 21
wow. I haven't felt this low in awhile. seriously.
I'm gonna go in my room and cry...ttfn...
I'm gonna go in my room and cry...ttfn...
This.sucks. this sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks. I can't go to Naseem's party because her mom says she'll have to many people. some decided to invite themselves. bastards. I WAS INVITED. THE ONE MOTHEREFFIN HIGHLIGHT OF SEPTEMBER THAT I'VE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO ALL MUTHEREFFIN YEAR, AND I CAN'T GO BECAUSE PEOPLE INVITED THEMSELVES AND THAT MAKES TO MANY PEOPLE.
*screams*
I'm gonna go...mope...in my room...or something...
*screams*
I'm gonna go...mope...in my room...or something...
Saturday, September 20
very fucked.
what fucked version of hello kittie are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I looove this song. it rocks.
[.::Someday::.]
(Nickelback)
How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
I wish you'd unclench your fists
And unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
Dont think its too late
Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
Well i hoped that since we're here anyway
We could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up stringing
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a hollywood horror
Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
[Solo]
How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a hollywood horror
Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when
I love you Brent.
Thursday, September 18
This song reminds me of that one guy...don't really know him...oh yea, my dad...
[.::Too Bad::.]
(Nickelback)
Father's hands are lined with dirt
From long days in the field
Mother's hands are serving meals
In a cafe on Main Street
With mouths to feed
Just tryin' to keep clothing on our backs
And all I hear about is
How it's so bad
It's too bad, it's stupid
Too late, so wrong, so long
It's too bad that we had no time to rewind
Let's walk, let's talk
Let's talk
You left without saying goodbye
Although I'm sure you tried
You call and ask from time to time
To make sure we're alive
But you weren't there
Right when I'm needing you the most
And now I dream about it
How it's so bad, it's so bad
It's too bad, it's stupid
Too late, so wrong, so long
It's too bad that we had no time to rewind
Let's walk, let's talk
Let's talk
Father's hands are lined with guilt
For tearing us apart
Guess it turned out in the end
Just look at where we are
Made it out, we still got clothing on our backs
And now I scream about it
How it's so bad, it's so bad
It's too bad, it's too bad
Too late, so wrong, so long
It's too bad that we had no time to rewind
Let's walk, let's talk
Let's talk
-------------------------------------------------------------------
so you ask how I'm doing? fine, fine. nothing much really new in my life :/
went to the mall today with laura and kristen
I so want that purse from AE
I love you Brent <3
[.::Too Bad::.]
(Nickelback)
Father's hands are lined with dirt
From long days in the field
Mother's hands are serving meals
In a cafe on Main Street
With mouths to feed
Just tryin' to keep clothing on our backs
And all I hear about is
How it's so bad
It's too bad, it's stupid
Too late, so wrong, so long
It's too bad that we had no time to rewind
Let's walk, let's talk
Let's talk
You left without saying goodbye
Although I'm sure you tried
You call and ask from time to time
To make sure we're alive
But you weren't there
Right when I'm needing you the most
And now I dream about it
How it's so bad, it's so bad
It's too bad, it's stupid
Too late, so wrong, so long
It's too bad that we had no time to rewind
Let's walk, let's talk
Let's talk
Father's hands are lined with guilt
For tearing us apart
Guess it turned out in the end
Just look at where we are
Made it out, we still got clothing on our backs
And now I scream about it
How it's so bad, it's so bad
It's too bad, it's too bad
Too late, so wrong, so long
It's too bad that we had no time to rewind
Let's walk, let's talk
Let's talk
-------------------------------------------------------------------
so you ask how I'm doing? fine, fine. nothing much really new in my life :/
went to the mall today with laura and kristen
I so want that purse from AE
I love you Brent <3
Wednesday, September 17
You probably like Nu-rock & Manson more then anything else, and the only reason the work "goth" is ever attached to you is because you're ignorant friends think anything in black = goth. You're still young though, and at least you probably have a bad-ass collection of collars.
What kind of goth are you?
Created by ptocheia
hahaha that's so true. did they write this with me in mind?
Care for some jam with those genitals?
What's your sexual perversion?
Created by ptocheia
C'mon, they can't even *breed*!
What pisses you off?
Created by ptocheia
aaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiooooooooo
*tackles everything in site*
*climbs and swings in trees*
(yea, she's really hyper today)
Sunday, September 14
I wish I was dead.
Saturday, September 13
ugggghhhhhhhhhh *faint*
I got my ears pierced again today, so now it's double :D
also got some cool dice earrings
but now I'm really queasy cos I read some stuff about ear piercing
ugh
had a fun time tonight, saw matchstick men with Brent
today we might get a kitty
and my grandma is taking me shopping
and I'm going to the garage
ttfn [:
I got my ears pierced again today, so now it's double :D
also got some cool dice earrings
but now I'm really queasy cos I read some stuff about ear piercing
ugh
had a fun time tonight, saw matchstick men with Brent
today we might get a kitty
and my grandma is taking me shopping
and I'm going to the garage
ttfn [:
Wednesday, September 10
damn you blogger, Damn YOO!!!
grr. why do I suck at making new friends? /:
and furthermore...
why aren't I skinnier?!
so chubby and chubby ]:
I'm gonna try doing 20 sit ups a day every day starting tonight and continuing to next wensday. then I can up the amount to 25 or 30. wish me luckkkk. I wanna stick with it. and I didn't have a high calorie snack after school today like I usually do, though I did buy a vanilla pepsi :/
need.boots.
you know what I hate? peer pressure. really.
has anyone seen my dog collar? I would very much so like to find it.
PEER PRESSURE SUCKS. I feel indirectly bombarded by it every day, the pressure to be cool, calm, composed, humorous, witty, charming, graceful, etc. etc. etc. I feel like I never measure up to the standards! but at least I've got good friends to battle the evils of the school with...I love you guys, even if I don't always show it....o.o
Brent I love you
off to look for "cool" stuff in boxes...
grr. why do I suck at making new friends? /:
and furthermore...
why aren't I skinnier?!
so chubby and chubby ]:
I'm gonna try doing 20 sit ups a day every day starting tonight and continuing to next wensday. then I can up the amount to 25 or 30. wish me luckkkk. I wanna stick with it. and I didn't have a high calorie snack after school today like I usually do, though I did buy a vanilla pepsi :/
need.boots.
you know what I hate? peer pressure. really.
has anyone seen my dog collar? I would very much so like to find it.
PEER PRESSURE SUCKS. I feel indirectly bombarded by it every day, the pressure to be cool, calm, composed, humorous, witty, charming, graceful, etc. etc. etc. I feel like I never measure up to the standards! but at least I've got good friends to battle the evils of the school with...I love you guys, even if I don't always show it....o.o
Brent I love you
off to look for "cool" stuff in boxes...
Tuesday, September 9
she should tell him. anyone can clearly see from reading her ujournal that it's nawing at her mind. maybe this is my chance to...I dunno...reach out and make friends? eh...like that'll ever come easy to me...
oh yea. I didn't get a part in seige. but I'm not to disappointed, I really didn't think I would anyways. I'm just so...discouraged...maybe I'll give newspaper a try o.O
gawd alyssa you fucking idiot. stop procastinating and go do your homework.
I wanna go to the Brian Warner concert october 16th. I MUST GO.
oh yea. I didn't get a part in seige. but I'm not to disappointed, I really didn't think I would anyways. I'm just so...discouraged...maybe I'll give newspaper a try o.O
gawd alyssa you fucking idiot. stop procastinating and go do your homework.
I wanna go to the Brian Warner concert october 16th. I MUST GO.
Sunday, September 7
here it is, boys and girls, straight and unedited from the almighty red book:
I wish I was dead. But the main thing that's keeping my whole heart from going into that wish is Brent. And wishes don't come true, most of the time, right?
Mom seems angry at the fact that I'm feeling depressed and suicidal. She seems impatient at the fact that I didn't like Eva, saying that the next one I have, I must stay with. I should have never, ever told my parents about the scratching. I really regret it now. really.
I want to scratch right now. But I know I shouldn't. I should just let it bottle up inside. I'm a way to trusting person. naive. ignorant. just plain stupid. My mind keeps flashing back to when my mom said she was tired of bending over backwards for little miss scratch herself. She says if I ever commited suicide, she and dad would not be able to work. she says they'd have to go to a mental home. But I ask myself this, why the fuck should I give a shit about how they'll feel and what will happen to them after I've commited suicide? Yea, they say they care, and then make bullshit comments. Little miss scratch herself my ass! But no. I guess I'm better than that. And I can't stand to think of what Brent would have to go through.
so yea. that's it. sums it up quite nicely in my opinion. my stomach hurts like it does when I'm depressed. a cold, bottomless empty feeling, like I could drink gallons and gallons of ice water and still not have my thirst satisfied. I tend to get that feeling a lot. also, when I'm laying in bed, I feel like my spirit is kinda detached from my body, and I'm zooming away into space at the speed of light, or that I'm watching my body lay in bed, staring at the bright red glow of my alarm clock. but that feeling isn't one I get when I'm depressed. it just happens. and I feel like I gotta wrap up tight in my blankets to keep my body from floating away.
I love you Brent. don't ever forget that (o:
I wish I was dead. But the main thing that's keeping my whole heart from going into that wish is Brent. And wishes don't come true, most of the time, right?
Mom seems angry at the fact that I'm feeling depressed and suicidal. She seems impatient at the fact that I didn't like Eva, saying that the next one I have, I must stay with. I should have never, ever told my parents about the scratching. I really regret it now. really.
I want to scratch right now. But I know I shouldn't. I should just let it bottle up inside. I'm a way to trusting person. naive. ignorant. just plain stupid. My mind keeps flashing back to when my mom said she was tired of bending over backwards for little miss scratch herself. She says if I ever commited suicide, she and dad would not be able to work. she says they'd have to go to a mental home. But I ask myself this, why the fuck should I give a shit about how they'll feel and what will happen to them after I've commited suicide? Yea, they say they care, and then make bullshit comments. Little miss scratch herself my ass! But no. I guess I'm better than that. And I can't stand to think of what Brent would have to go through.
so yea. that's it. sums it up quite nicely in my opinion. my stomach hurts like it does when I'm depressed. a cold, bottomless empty feeling, like I could drink gallons and gallons of ice water and still not have my thirst satisfied. I tend to get that feeling a lot. also, when I'm laying in bed, I feel like my spirit is kinda detached from my body, and I'm zooming away into space at the speed of light, or that I'm watching my body lay in bed, staring at the bright red glow of my alarm clock. but that feeling isn't one I get when I'm depressed. it just happens. and I feel like I gotta wrap up tight in my blankets to keep my body from floating away.
I love you Brent. don't ever forget that (o:
<3 this one:
[.::Christina Aguilera::.]
(Genie in a Bottle)
I feel like I've been locked up tight
for a century of lonely nights
Waiting for someone to release me
You're licking your lips
And blowing kisses my way
But that don't mean I'm gonna give it away
Baby. Baby. baby (Baby ,baby, baby)
[Bridge:]
Ooh (my body is saying let's go)
Ooh (but my heart is saying no)
[Chorus]
If you wanna be with me
Baby there's a price to pay
I'm a genie in a bottle
You gotta rub me the right way
If you wanna be with me
I can make your wish come true
You gotta make a big impression
I gotta like what you do
I'm a genie in a bottle baby
You Gotta rub me the right way honey
I'm a genie in a bottle baby
Come, come, come on and let me out
The music's fading
The lights down low
Just one more dance
And then we're gonna go
Waiting for someone
Who needs me
Hormones racing at the speed of light
But that don't mean it's gotta be tonight
Baby, baby, baby (baby, baby, baby)
[Bridge]
Ooh (my body is saying let's go)
Ooh (but my heart is saying no)
[Chorus]
If you wanna be with me
Baby there's a price to pay
I'm a genie in a bottle (I'm a genie in a bottle)
You gotta rub me the right way
If you wanna be with me (Ooh)
I can make your wish come true
(Wish come true...Woah)
Just come and set me free
And I'll be with you
I'm a genie in a bottle baby
You Gotta rub me the right way honey
I'm a genie in a bottle baby
Come, come, come on and let me out
I'm a genie in a bottle baby
You Gotta rub me the right way honey
(if you wanna be with me)
I'm a genie in a bottle baby
Come, come, come on and let me out
[Bridge]
Ooh (my body is saying let's go)
Ooh (but my heart is saying no)
[Chorus]
If you wanna be with me
Baby there's a price to pay
I'm a genie in a bottle
You gotta rub me the right way
If you wanna be with me
I can make your wish come true (Ooh)
You gotta make a big impression
I gotta like what you do (Oh Yeah)
If you wanna be with me
Baby there's a price to pay
I'm a genie in a bottle
You gotta rub me the right way
(You gotta rub me the right way)
If you wanna be with me
I can make your wish come true
Just come and set me free baby
And I'll be with you
I'm a genie in a bottle baby
Come, come, come, on and let me out
yes. that's a good song. and if you don't think so. you don't think so.
ok, so friday night I went to the Fire Muster with...Brent, Laura, Ally, Mallory, Amy, Walter, Bryan, and some other people I'm sure were there...it was alright, way to expensive, but oh well...the fireworks were kinda cool.
saturday Brent came over for a few hours. we went bike riding for just a little bit, and my parents, being the douch bags they are. went looking for us in the park for 20 minutes. but yanno. they didn't see us. ;)
and today...we went to battle creek and I climbed around in a limestone cave...then drove through Red Wing...the endless corn fields along the way were so amazing! and we fought along the way. and I had depressed thoughts, that went kinda like this: I wish I was dead.
but now I'm just...meh...you know how it is, right?
just finished Mutation yesterday, now I'm started on Shock. everyone go check out those and other Robin Cook books because I said so...
tonight there's a conformation meeting thing at my church. but I don't wanna go. so I shall just not go.
oh yea...I have some French homework...and a 1 page english paper to write by tomorrow. but Mr. Orth said we wouldn't be penalized for not having it done, so this means I won't have to do it tonight, right? RIGHT?!?!?!
k I've rambled on enough.
Brent I love you.
ttfn.
[.::Christina Aguilera::.]
(Genie in a Bottle)
I feel like I've been locked up tight
for a century of lonely nights
Waiting for someone to release me
You're licking your lips
And blowing kisses my way
But that don't mean I'm gonna give it away
Baby. Baby. baby (Baby ,baby, baby)
[Bridge:]
Ooh (my body is saying let's go)
Ooh (but my heart is saying no)
[Chorus]
If you wanna be with me
Baby there's a price to pay
I'm a genie in a bottle
You gotta rub me the right way
If you wanna be with me
I can make your wish come true
You gotta make a big impression
I gotta like what you do
I'm a genie in a bottle baby
You Gotta rub me the right way honey
I'm a genie in a bottle baby
Come, come, come on and let me out
The music's fading
The lights down low
Just one more dance
And then we're gonna go
Waiting for someone
Who needs me
Hormones racing at the speed of light
But that don't mean it's gotta be tonight
Baby, baby, baby (baby, baby, baby)
[Bridge]
Ooh (my body is saying let's go)
Ooh (but my heart is saying no)
[Chorus]
If you wanna be with me
Baby there's a price to pay
I'm a genie in a bottle (I'm a genie in a bottle)
You gotta rub me the right way
If you wanna be with me (Ooh)
I can make your wish come true
(Wish come true...Woah)
Just come and set me free
And I'll be with you
I'm a genie in a bottle baby
You Gotta rub me the right way honey
I'm a genie in a bottle baby
Come, come, come on and let me out
I'm a genie in a bottle baby
You Gotta rub me the right way honey
(if you wanna be with me)
I'm a genie in a bottle baby
Come, come, come on and let me out
[Bridge]
Ooh (my body is saying let's go)
Ooh (but my heart is saying no)
[Chorus]
If you wanna be with me
Baby there's a price to pay
I'm a genie in a bottle
You gotta rub me the right way
If you wanna be with me
I can make your wish come true (Ooh)
You gotta make a big impression
I gotta like what you do (Oh Yeah)
If you wanna be with me
Baby there's a price to pay
I'm a genie in a bottle
You gotta rub me the right way
(You gotta rub me the right way)
If you wanna be with me
I can make your wish come true
Just come and set me free baby
And I'll be with you
I'm a genie in a bottle baby
Come, come, come, on and let me out
yes. that's a good song. and if you don't think so. you don't think so.
ok, so friday night I went to the Fire Muster with...Brent, Laura, Ally, Mallory, Amy, Walter, Bryan, and some other people I'm sure were there...it was alright, way to expensive, but oh well...the fireworks were kinda cool.
saturday Brent came over for a few hours. we went bike riding for just a little bit, and my parents, being the douch bags they are. went looking for us in the park for 20 minutes. but yanno. they didn't see us. ;)
and today...we went to battle creek and I climbed around in a limestone cave...then drove through Red Wing...the endless corn fields along the way were so amazing! and we fought along the way. and I had depressed thoughts, that went kinda like this: I wish I was dead.
but now I'm just...meh...you know how it is, right?
just finished Mutation yesterday, now I'm started on Shock. everyone go check out those and other Robin Cook books because I said so...
tonight there's a conformation meeting thing at my church. but I don't wanna go. so I shall just not go.
oh yea...I have some French homework...and a 1 page english paper to write by tomorrow. but Mr. Orth said we wouldn't be penalized for not having it done, so this means I won't have to do it tonight, right? RIGHT?!?!?!
k I've rambled on enough.
Brent I love you.
ttfn.
Thursday, September 4
stuck outside in the middle of my head:
[.::Maroon 5::.]
(Harder To Breathe)
How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle
You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to funkin' tread the ground I'm walking on
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control
Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold
[.::Maroon 5::.]
(Harder To Breathe)
How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle
You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to funkin' tread the ground I'm walking on
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control
Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold
ahheek
I auditioned yesterday after 5 or so for the part of Marion in Seige of Room 304. I tried projecting my voice and reading my lines clearly...but I'm just really afraid that I'll not get it. Callbacks are announced tomorrow...
alright. so everyone's dying to know how school's been going, right? right.
it's been fine. nothing out of the ordinary has happened. I've made a couple new friends. or at least I think they're my friends? and it's cool being in 9th grade. so much more maturity, both emotionally and academicly, seems to be expected of us, or will be. well...enough philasophical crap...
so a funny thing happened today. my bus was 5-10 minutes late. so I then became 5 minutes late for first hour (the teacher actually talked in english today!) being late pissed me off.
and then, at the end of the day, I'm looking forward to listening to Marilyn Manson's delicious voice, right? so I go to my locker and pack up my backpack, swing it over my shoulder, and reach up to get my cd player. only it's NOT THERE. I looked all over. but I couldn't find it )o: )o: )o:
and then I got on the wrong bus and was terrified I wouldn't make it home. but the driver was nice and dropped me off a couple blocks away.
I don't feel like writing much more...
ttfn [:
I auditioned yesterday after 5 or so for the part of Marion in Seige of Room 304. I tried projecting my voice and reading my lines clearly...but I'm just really afraid that I'll not get it. Callbacks are announced tomorrow...
alright. so everyone's dying to know how school's been going, right? right.
it's been fine. nothing out of the ordinary has happened. I've made a couple new friends. or at least I think they're my friends? and it's cool being in 9th grade. so much more maturity, both emotionally and academicly, seems to be expected of us, or will be. well...enough philasophical crap...
so a funny thing happened today. my bus was 5-10 minutes late. so I then became 5 minutes late for first hour (the teacher actually talked in english today!) being late pissed me off.
and then, at the end of the day, I'm looking forward to listening to Marilyn Manson's delicious voice, right? so I go to my locker and pack up my backpack, swing it over my shoulder, and reach up to get my cd player. only it's NOT THERE. I looked all over. but I couldn't find it )o: )o: )o:
and then I got on the wrong bus and was terrified I wouldn't make it home. but the driver was nice and dropped me off a couple blocks away.
I don't feel like writing much more...
ttfn [:
Tuesday, September 2
*Recently, a Cambodian man and his wife were in a fight. He physiclly abused her by kicking her in the crotch. She then grabbed his testes and squeezed them till he died.
*may not be suitable for viewers of the male gender
thank you 93x half-assed morning show =D
time for school....
*may not be suitable for viewers of the male gender
thank you 93x half-assed morning show =D
time for school....
Monday, September 1
I am:
stressed out
worried
depressed
exhausted
my stomach hurts really bad
and so do my feet
we just got back from shopping, and a lot of the time I was thinking "gawd please deliver me now" and that sort of thing. got 6 new shirts, all very cute. but the thing is, my ass is way to big, so pants never fit me. we have to go to target later and get a backpack and notebooks. I haven't barely started my summer drama reading.
v_v
stressed out
worried
depressed
exhausted
my stomach hurts really bad
and so do my feet
we just got back from shopping, and a lot of the time I was thinking "gawd please deliver me now" and that sort of thing. got 6 new shirts, all very cute. but the thing is, my ass is way to big, so pants never fit me. we have to go to target later and get a backpack and notebooks. I haven't barely started my summer drama reading.
v_v
